Tuesday Link Dump

Here We Go. TO tearing the Bills Apart (Barstool Sports)
Soccer Ref Takes a Piss on the Field, During the Game!! (Sports by Brooks)
Before and After Pictures of Celebrity Plastic Surgeries (Stylesit)
Be Careful Not to Cut Yourself on Christina Ricci’s Nipples !! (Hollywood Tuna)
The 10 Most Amazing Non-NBA Basketball Shots (Hail Mary Jane)
Hot Twins; A Gallery (Gunaxin)
A French Super Model, and Shhhhh, sometimes Porn Star (Next Round)
The Most Shocking magazine Covers of All Time (JAGT)
Ashley Tisdale is in a See Thru (Drunken Stepfather)
Sofia Vergara’s Sluttiest Pictures (Complex)
Beyonce Hates Lindsay Lohan (Celebrity Smack)
The 20 Funniest Fake Megan Fox Pictures on the net (Manofest)
The On Night Stand “Flow Chart” (Whip it out)
20 Random Photos That Will Blow Your Mind (The Chive)
The 7 Funniest Moments in People’s Court History (Super Tremendous)

Monday Link Dump

 

Why Not start Your Week Off With a Half Naked Taryn Southern? (Barstool Sports)
Lesbian Motivational Posters (Cityrag)
Anna Paquin is in a Wet Tee Shirt (Celebslam)
Confirmed. Tim Tebow is a big Fat Pussy (Sports by Brooks)
The 20 Funniest Neon Sign Fails of All Time (manofest)
20 “Anybody Know Who this girl Is?” Photos (Uncoached)
A Photo Gallery of Why College football is Awesome (Busted Coverage)
The World’s Best Bikini Competition (Babelgum)
Megan Fox in a Skimpy Cheerleader Outfit is a Good Thing (Celebjihad)
Now That’s a Naughty Babysitter (Atom.com)
11 Viral Videos by Celebrities That Bombed (Holly Fail)
A Class in Advanced Bong Making (Cityrag)
The Weirdest Wedding EVER (Uncoached)
Will Tom Cruise be the Next Head Coach of the Washington Redskins? (World of Isaac)
Good Morning Sophie Monk’s Tits (Drunken Stepfather)
80’s Toys That Should Be Movies (Heavy)
35 Awesome Bathroom Graffiti Pictures (Holy Taco)
Playmate Candace Michelle and Friend are All Over Each Other (WND)
Pamela Anderson is Naked and Crazy – Video Proof (HeyMan Hustle)
Vanessa Hudgens Continues to be a Slut (NS4W)

Dude can't unplug!

It pains me to tell you that this story is true, as witnessed by a nurse friend of mine. In the middle of a child’s birthday party (the most appropriate place to tell such a story, obviously), she turns to me and says, “You’ll never guess what happened at work last night!”

Knowing she is a nurse, and pretty much anything can happen in that line of work, I readily agree.

She goes on to tell me about a mid-30’s white dude who came in with a 4 inch (in diameter) butt plug stuck inside where the sun ain’t meant to shine.

That would be like shoving a drain pipe straight up your backside. My pooper puckers just at the thought!

Apparently dude and the wifey were getting frisky when things went a little too far. Once the plug was in it made a sort of vacuum lock with the lube making it impossible to get out.

Who knows how long dude was at home impaled with the plug, freaking out. He finally came to the ER when his legs started to go numb from the plug pressing on his spine.

(Jack tells me he would have spent days taking laxatives before going to the doctor.)

One can only imagine the humility dude faced explaining the situation. The worst part? Photos were needed to document the case.

Yes, dude. There are photos of your rear-end impaled by a butt plug in your medical file.

A word of advice: Butt-plugs can be fun. There’s a bunch of nerves back there that can feel really good (on men and women), but this is a situation where bigger is truly not better. Take it to heart.

Photo: Ashley’s sex toys

To the young guys.

This is your Captain speaking……….welcome aboard fuckers.

This is a message for all the younger guys out there.  I know it sucks because women your age are not giving you the time of day right now, but trust me.  Keep working on your career and your dreams and you will be amazed at how great your life will be.  You have NO idea how successful you can or will be when you’re 19 or 20.  The last thing you want to do is to get bogged down with some bitch and even worse if you knock the bitch up.

I’m not saying that you have to pay for pussy like a hooker, although there is some truth to that, but what I’m saying is that the more successful you become, the more doors will open and the more options you will have in your life.  Not just with women, but with every aspect of your life.

It kills me to see young guys settle for some local piece of ass that they knocked up and end up giving up all their hopes and dreams, just to slave away to support some bitch and “do the right thing”.  Well, that’s the wrong fucking thing gentlemen!

Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by settling down with your highschool sweetheart.  Don’t date single mothers and do not have a serious relationship until AFTER you have realized your dreams.  Even then, a serious relationship offers no benefits to a guy that he cant get by banging multiple women.

Stay true to yourselves guys, don’t fall into the money pit of marriage and kids.  Live your life the way that you want it and not how some bitch is nagging you to live it.

Until next time fuckers.

You’re now free to move about Wall Street.

I'm a cocksucker first and foremost and I worship great cock.

Read after, “Seduction in the park makes my pussy very wet.”

I’d never been so excited in my life as Gavin and I made our way to the top of my stairs.

We weren’t drunk, but we were giggling as though we were.

Intoxicated on the thought of what was to come.

The second I unlocked my door, Gavin and I pushed our way through it and were immediately in each others arms.

Our lips connected and a surge of electricity filled our beings.

My pussy was humming, as I ran my hands across the material of his tight t-shirt that hugged his sexy body.

I moved my hands up past the cotton that strained from his biceps and cupped his face in my hands. I licked his lips, and glided my tongue across his beautiful teeth.

We inhaled each others breath as he cupped my rounded bottom with his strong hands, pulling my ass to him.

He knows in my Goddess books that I worship cock. He’s going to expect that from you.

And I intended to meet his expectations.

We made out all the way into my bedroom, only stopping long enough for me to unzip his shorts, dropping them to the floor. He stepped out of them, kicking off his shoes as he did.

A pre-cum wet spot had formed on his underwear, and I rubbed the head of his cock through the material.

I started to kneel.

“Wait,” he said in a breathy gasp. “Before you do that, I want . . . your panties.”

Within seconds Gavin had reached up underneath my skirt and slipped my panties off. I stepped out of them. He immediately brought the wet pink lace to his nose and inhaled my scent.

“Mmmmm,” he said.

Fuck, that guy is hot.

Drip, drip, drip my cunt juices streamed down either side of my slender legs and I dropped to my knees.

I felt like it was Christmas and cock was on my wish list. I slowly peeled back the wrapping and his hard cock sprung free from it’s binding.

“Mouthwatering,” I said.

I stripped Gavin out of his underwear and pushed him down, sitting him on the edge of my bed.

Then I went about doing what I do best . . . sucking cock.

Gavin was almost seven inches, and his bulbous, helmet-like head was irresistible

My mouth was salivating as placed both hands on his shaft. I went down onto him and suckled his perfect prick, allowing my spit to drip down his raging hard-on.

While I sucked his tasty prick into my wet mouth, I gently tugged and twisted his cock, jacking it. It wasn’t long and his whole shaft was slippery with my spit and I had pre-cum dripping from my chin.

So much for being shy.

Gavin gasped as I pulled his skin taught with my left hand, stroked him with my right, then teasingly licked the head of his cock.

Over and over I continued to run my tongue the length of his shaft, getting my hands nice and wet, keeping his shaft slick with spit.

I could tell Gavin was about to cum because his balls were starting to tighten.

So I slipped my t-shirt and bra off, letting my tits flop out and ready themselves to receive the splash of salty cum.

“Oh shit,” Gavin said taking my tits into his hands.

I sucked one of his nuts into my mouth, and then the other, prolonging his desire to cum.

Gavin continued to smell my dripping panties, smearing my scent all over his face.

“You wanna fuck my pussy?”

“Oh hell ya.”

“If you wanna fuck my pussy, you’re going to have to cum to me first.”

I pulled out all the stops and inserted my spit covered finger into Gavin’s asshole.

“Oh shit,” he said as he started spewing.

Fortunately, I was able to get a taste of his jizz, and allowed it to drip down onto my chin and land on my bouncing tits for his viewing pleasure.

“D, de, del . . .”

Speechless.

Gavin tried to say my name as I slowly slid my finger further into his asshole and sucked his cock all the way into the back of my throat and sucked him dry.

It was obvious to me that Gavin hadn’t expected that.

He lay back on the bed and I stripped out of my skirt.

“Your pussy is gorgeous and I want to fuck it.”

I straddled his thighs, not letting him touch my cunt.

He smiled.

I smiled.

It was also obvious to me that he didn’t know I was about to do it, again.

I'm ashamed of myself

Screeeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhh… A car cut me off.

My scooter was doing around 50 kms/hr and it scared the hell out of me.

Taking off my helmet and mustering all my strength “Holy mother of crap! What the hell are you doing?”

Meaaaaaaooooww!

Window rolling down “ I saw you and wanted to say hi… Did I scare you?”

Muttering to myself “Puny Todd you bastard” I searched for a dignified rebuke.

He made gestures asking me to pull over to the curb.

Shaking with anger, I pulled over and parked, still searching…

Puny Todd shuffled towards me, hitching up his pants which were half way off his ass.

“You DICK” I raged out loud. Decent and dignified, that’s me.

“Calm down Jo gurl! Want some gum?”

“Jump up your own ass and die freak!”

“You watch too much TV, want some pongal?

“What the fuck man! Wierd ass psycho FREAK. I could’ve been hurt fool… HURT!” The bats could hear me now

Traffic Cop (Parking his bike)                : “What seems to be the problem?”

Me (Trying to keep my voice steady): “Nothing sir. Just going to work”

Traffic Cop (Assessing the vehicles)   :  “Night shifts?”

Me (Producing my ID)                              : “Here is my ID card sir. I work 5 minutes from here”

Traffic Cop(Turning away from me)    : “Who is this? Your lover?”

Me(Disgusting retching sound)             : “No”

Puny Todd (Taking out his wallet)        : “he he he…Ok, don’t make a scene sir. Tell me how much you want?”

Traffic Cop (thundering)                           : “Making a scene? I’ll show you. Go and stand near the bike. (Turning to me and lowering his voice) If I ever see you with this son-of-a-bitch (he used a rather disturbing tamil word) again, it won’t be good.

Me (to his back)                                            : You won’t.

Traffic  Cop (adding an afterthought) :  “Paathu po kannu” (Ride safe dear)

Puny Todd (yelling)                                   : “Message me when you reach Jo gurl”

Traffic Cop (As I was staring the bike): “Modhala pant ah olunga poduda” (Pull up your pants first)

SO much language in a matter of a few minutes…I use f*** and different variations of the word (Which is my next post), but not the other cuss words. (I swear TK, I don’t)

Some people do bring out the gutter in me!

I’m ashamed of myself

Psst: This is where you say –> “You ought to be ashamed Archu,but,we still love you Archu…

Wednesday Link Dump

Holy Shit Blake Lively is Bringin’ It (Barstool Sports)

The 10 Hottest Chicks in Football Movie History (Bleacher Report)

The 10 Funniest Fat Guys of All Time (Super Tremendous)

20 Unfortunately Named Foreign Products (Manofest)

Michelle Wie Has Her Own Blog Now, and She’s Grown Up and Semi-Hot (Sports by Brooks)

Enjoy Megan Fox’s First Lesbian Kiss !! (Popohlic)

5 Pretty Cool Things You Didn’t Know About Patrick Swayze – RIP (Ask Men)

25 WTF Pictures That Will Make You Say WTF? (The Chive)

15 Movie Names That Can’t Be Possible (Unreality)

The 9 Worst Celebrity Boob Jobs Ever (Hollywood Fail)

Cincinnati Bengals Cheerleaders Pull a Full on Mutiny (Busted Coverage)

Stuff You Don’t Want YOUR Chick Doing To Her Face (Uncoached)

Layla Kiffin Tailgating in a Hot Dress (KSR)

This is What Happens When You Take a Monkey to the Beach (Regretful Morning)

Super Hot Amateur Emo Teen Likes Being Photographed (Amateur Whoredom)

Lily Allen is Topless Again (Dirty Rotten Whore)

An Anti Drinking & Driving Ad That Actually Makes You WANT To Drink & Drive (Drunken Stepfather)

This is Why You Should Always Take a Shit BEFORE You Benchpress (Machovideo)

Weekend Link Dump

Minister Prevents Kid From Having Sex With His Girlfriend by Having Sex With Him Instead (Barstool Sports)

Top 15 Funniest Mug Shot Tee Shirts (The Chive)

10 Awesome Movies That Actually Suck (Becks)

8 Old School NFL Players That Make Today;s Players Look Like Pansies (Spike)

12 Greatest Celebrity “O Faces” (Hollywood Fail)

10 Awesome Celebrity Demotivational Posters (Celebrity Odor)

Chloe Vevrier Has The Biggest Tits You Have Ever Seen (Boobie Blog)

Jennifer Aniston Neither Has Nor Needs a Bra (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Rihanna is Topless Again (Yes Bitch)

Jessica Biel Sucks and Fucks (Famous Blow)

Damn Anna Kournikova Is HOT (Moe Jackson)

Raiders Trade Chart Cheat Sheet – Hilarious (Back Porch)

The Lighter Side of Golf; A Gallery (Uncoached)

[Via http://intheatltoday.com]

SHAWNE MERRIMAN AND TILA TEQUILA: NFL Player Arrested, Accused Of Choking Reality Star

Tequila, 27, signed a citizen’s arrest warrant, charging Merriman with battery and false imprisonment, San Diego County Sheriff’s Lt. Gary Steadman said.

Both are felonies.

Deputies responded about 3:45 a.m. to Merriman’s house in Poway, north of San Diego, after a woman called to say she was choked by the player and thrown to the ground when she tried to leave, Sheriff’s Department spokesman Jan Caldwell said at a news conference.

Merriman’s attorney, Todd Macaluso, disputed Tequila’s story and said he’s confident Merriman won’t be charged by the District Attorney’s Office.

“There was absolutely no wrongdoing on the part of Mr. Merriman,” Macaluso told The Associated Press by phone. “He essentially was doing what was appropriate under the circumstances in trying to protect the safety of Miss Tequila. There were numerous eyewitnesses that will support his version of the events that transpired at his home.”

Merriman, 25, was taken into custody and booked into the central jail at about 8:30 a.m. He was released shortly after 11 a.m.

Merriman didn’t return two e-mails seeking comment. His agent, Tom Condon, said he hadn’t heard about the arrest when contacted by The Associated Press.

There had been considerable Twitter chatter between Tequila and Merriman during the last two months. She tweeted several times about going to the Chargers’ game Friday night and a party she held afterward at a downtown club, including:

_ “Im the Head Cheerleader Prom Queen and (at)shawnemerriman is the Prom King! hahaha! LETS GOOO! LIGHTS OUT! SAN DIEGO I WILL SEE U TOMORROW!”

Merriman was the 12th overall pick out of Maryland in the 2005 draft, and had 39 1/2 sacks in his first three seasons. The three-time Pro Bowl selection has been getting back into shape after missing nearly all of last season following knee surgery.

The Chargers, picked by some as Super Bowl favorites, open the regular season a week from Monday night at Oakland. Players had been off since after Friday night’s exhibition finale against San Francisco. They are due back at practice on Monday.

“It’s disappointing to hear about the issue involving Shawne Merriman,” Chargers general manager A.J. Smith said in statement. “We’ll continue to monitor the situation and let the legal process run its course.”

Smith didn’t return a call seeking further comment.

Smith often speaks of signing “character” players, yet the Chargers have had their share of embarrassing off-field problems in recent seasons.

SOURCE

[Via http://techkrunch.wordpress.com]

Cunts are never happy!

This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers.

There’s an old guy from Brooklyn on YouTube who did a video about how no matter what you do for a woman, it’s never good enough.  Well, the Kid from Brooklyn is right!

When I married my wife I was working a blue collar job and going to school.  Of  course AFTER the marriage she loved to tell me how my back-breaking labor and attending class didn’t compare to her government office job.  Why?  Because she had to supervise 3 or 4 people.  Nice huh.

Now I’m going to school full-time to get my MBA and I work full time in the financial industry making 3 times as much as I did then and guess what?  Yes, her low level government job is sooooooo much more stressfull than my full time job and student status.

They’re never fucking happy, they never lose that bullshit victim mentality.  Not to mention the fact that when she talks to her jabber-jaw fucking friends, she tries to take credit for what I’ve done.  Nevermind the fucking fact that I can’t even study in my own home.

That’s right, its just like on Sundays fellas, you’ve been there when its game time and that’s when she decides to fire up the vaccum.  Its passive aggressive bullshit like that, always interupting, complaining about some stupid shit, anything to keep me from doing my work but yet the bitch wants to take fucking credit.

Having a wife has been a handicap when it comes to my career and my education.  Hands fucking down!

Don’t make the same mistake I made guys.  If you aren’t meeting the women that you want to meet, look up some PUA information, its everywhere on the web and it does work.  DO NOT FUCKING SETTLE!!!!

It make take me a minute to get out, but I am getting the fuck out of this mess and I am NEVER getting married or living with a bitch ever again!

You’re now free to do shots about the cabin……

[Via http://no2marriage.wordpress.com]