alright, since i found that shitass insult on the social networking site, i’ve gotten pissed at that friend all over again. i just really wish i could clear the air. i guess if that this person were interested in this at all, or she’d have taken me up on the offer to talk it out at some point in the future, her choice. her choice instead was to target me with junior high school insults via myspace, so i’m guessing the air is as clear as she wants it.
but GRRR…. i have not only not done anything to hurt this person, but i’ve been a GOOD friend to her. part of me wants to just reach out and say that, just for the sake of saying that. just to let her know that it’s not cool and it’s not fair.
and part of me just can’t believe the person i knew would do that. that there must be some kind of explanation for this, that someone I hung around with for so long is not such a loser as to act out like a teenager in a public forum. and if she is, to be called the loser that she is for it. not just to call her that but to itemize all the ways her loserness has expressed itself over the last couple of decades. to rip into her and expose who the real “idiot moron” is.
see, for a number of years i’ve been interested in taking the high road, not acting out when slighted, not showing anger. and you know what it got me? my offer to talk it out with this person got me called “idiot moron” on a huge public web site. i’m not being facetious at all. i really believe this shit happens because i don’t speak up when i need to. if i put her in her place right then and there, at least i wouldn’t have been targeted later. but i set the precedent by letting people walk over me.
it’s easy to say forget it, don’t worry about what someone like that thinks and in most cases i can do that, but when i have been friends with someone for that long, it’s not as easy to just let it go.
so anyway, i’ve come to see the folly of my ways. it’s a holdover from the zen days, my live and let live attitude that i developed and my silly belief that expressing negativity toward someone is wasteful and futile. so i didn’t, and who’s worse off for it? right. so lately i’ve been going the other way with this. lately i’ve been reminding myself to get pissed and show it when i’m slighted. proportionately to the slight. it’s natural, it’s perfectly normal to confront a person who’s wronged you.
but is this person worth the energy? would writing to her get it out of my head any more than writing about it here? doubt it. and she made it abundantly clear that she does not care how any of this impacts me.
i’m big on not sharing my feelings with people who don’t care about them.
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